My Suicidal love
by Zero-BlackRose
Summary: As long as I can be near the one I love, it's okay if he doesn't love me back...Right' Riku at first thought that, but found out he was wrong. It's either love or death. M to be sure. this is my first fanfiction, be kind. lots of Suicide


Riku burst though his bedroom door and slammed it. There were tears streaming down his face. He could still vaguely here his father yelling at him from downstairs, but he didn't care. He curled up in a ball on his bed and continued crying. He felt like his insides were being ripped to shreds. He couldn't believe what he did, he shattered everything he worked so hard to keep together. He felt so stupid, he knew the outcome of his actions even before he did them. His body shuddered from a sob. He looked up at the picture he had on his nightstand with him, Sora ,and Kairi in it. It broke his heart just to see a picture of those beautiful blue eyes. They were taunting him. He turned over to face the window. He choked out another sob. He didn't hear the door open. He didn't feel the bed shift from someone sitting on it. He was numb to the light touch on his shoulder. Riku's mother spoke.

"Riku, I'm sorry about your father. You see, we haven't seen you in a whole year, and then you changed so much! Your father will warm up to the idea, I promise."

"He will, but not everyone else…" Riku laughed bitterly, "I'm not even wanted anymore…I'm probably better off dead!"

"You and I both know that's not true! Everyone cares about and is glad your back! You shouldn't act so depressed Riku! We're worried about you! If you wanted attention-"

"_Act_? You think this is just some _ACT!?_ You think these tears are just for attention!? You think I enjoy this!?"

"You know I did not mean-"

"_JUST GO FUCK OFF!". _His mother was taken off by his outburst, though she nodded silently and left the room. Riku curled up even more. He shouldn't of taken his anger out on her, but he was too weak to get up and apologize.

He was tired. He just want everything to go away. HE wanted to go away. He couldn't stay anymore, it was suffocating him. It vaguely reminded him of what he felt when he first wanted to leave the island, when Kairi first arrived. She stole everything from him, but he couldn't blame her. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's. The only one he could blame was himself. He knew what he wanted, but it could never happen. He would have to leave the island again. Once and for all. He made up his mind yesterday when he finally snapped. He wiped his eyes.

"It'll be better this way…"

___________________________________________________________________

"Stop it Sora, that tickles!!" Giggled Kairi as Sora tickled her relentlessly. Riku mentally growled. HE used to play with Sora like that. He shook his head. The old times didn't matter anymore. Their going to make new memories. He was sure the pain in his chest would get better soon. It would have to. He saw a gloved hand wave in front of his face.

"Riku! You in there!" said Sora while laughing. Riku couldn't help but smile. Sora had that effect on people. He could always cheer someone up no matter what.

"Yeah, I'm fine, What were you saying" Sora sighed.

"I was saying we should go somewhere together! Just the three of us!" Riku mentally cringed. 'three'…he thought. It was always 'the three of us' why didn't Sora want to do anything with just him any more? Even when they had play fights on his island, kairi was always there. Riku sighed. he couldn't blame her…she loved him. That's all that mattered, keeping their love intact, and watching from the sidelines. That's all Riku wanted. Even if it hurt like hell to watch them flirt like that.

He heard kairi whine, "But Sora! We never do anything as a couple! We've been dating for months and we haven't had any 'alone' time yet!" Riku visibly winced at ''alone' time'. Sora raised his brow.

"Riku, are you sure your okay?" asked Sora. Riku nodded his head. Sora sighed, "Ri, What's wrong? Is your dad being an asshole again? God! Why cant he accept that your gay!?" Sora sighed, "Do you want to stay with me for awhile?"

Riku shook his head, "No, I'm fine." He smirked, "Really. I am." Sora smiled and nodded.

Kairi bit her lip, "Riku? Would you mind if Sora and I spent a little time together?" Riku shook his head no. She smiled and giggled. "See, Sora! I told you he wouldn't mind! Or did you think he was jealous of us?" She said teasingly while poking Riku's shoulder, "You're not jealous of us are you? Of curse not!" She giggled, "Or are you jealous that I have Sora?" She added jokingly. Riku mentally winced, not wanting to show his hurt again. But fuck, did that hurt! Of course he was jealous, but not because she had Sora. He always wished he would be the one to hold Sora's hand, or to watch him fall asleep at night. He wanted that. Badly. She continued, "Well, You could have had me, but you didn't want to go out remember? Well, at least we're still friends, I mean, there really isn't anything there anyway!" Riku was trying not to listen, just block her out. No matter how much her words hurt, he needed to keep calm. She still rattled on, "And it's not like you like Sora or anything, that would be creepy! Totally disgusting! Right Sora!" She said nicely. Riku tried to keep from screaming. Disgusting? Is that because he loved Sora?

Sora laughed, "Yeah, totally puke worthy, I'm not into guys and Riku knows that!" he wiped his eyes from laughing, "Right, Ri?" Riku shuddered. Sora didn't feel anything towards him. He started shaking. He knew Sora felt that way but hearing him say it… Riku felt his eyes water. It hurt, it hurt so bad. His stomach lurched, he gagged and shuddered again. He barely felt someone touch his shoulder.

"Ri, what's wrong? You've been acting weird all day!" asked Sora. Riku shrugged. Sora sighed, "Come on Riku! I know you! I know when there's something wrong! Tell me!!" Riku bit his lip to stop from confessing to him in a last ditch effort to be with him. He couldn't tell, it would ruin everything. He clenched his fists. He felt himself being shaken by Sora, "Ri! What is it! Your crying!" Riku shakily brought his fingers up to his eyes. Sure enough, he was crying. He opened his mouth to assure Sora nothing is wrong, but his eyes widened with what actually came out of his mouth.

"But I do…" it was a whisper, so quiet even Riku could barely hear it, but he said it. And to Riku's horror, Sora heard it too.

Sora looked at him in shock, "Wh-what did you say?" Riku wanted to close his mouth, or to say it was just a joke, but the words were flowing out of his mouth, like the tears from his eyes.

"I do! You damn idiot! I loved you all this time, I-I know you don't feel the same way, but _DAMMIT!_" He crushed his lips to Sora. He was expecting Sora to struggle, a small part of him wanted him to kiss back. But Sora didn't even respond. He did nothing. That hurt Riku more than anything. He pulled away, "I-I _love_ you…." Sora stared at him with, what was it? Sadness? Regret? Pity?

Sora spoke, "Riku…" Riku's eyes widened even more. Sora was speaking to him like he was a _child_! How…..

Riku pushed Sora away from him, "_Stop"_ Sora was about to retaliate when Kairi interrupted.

"Oh My God!! How could you! He-he's my boyfriend Riku! He's your best friend! It's just wrong! Sickening!" Riku got up and slapped her. What was the point anymore of keeping it all in, they probably hate him now anyway…

"_WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"_, Riku spat. She looked at him with tears and fear in her eyes. Sora stepped in between them.

"Riku! How could you! I know what she said was hurtful-"

Riku couldn't take it anymore, "Oh, just shut it Sora, I don't give a damn anymore…" Riku whispered, "I don't…" he ran. Riku ran away from the hurt, the suffering, from Sora.

__________________________________________________________

"It'll be better this way…" Riku said, his voice void of any emotion.

He walked out of his room and down the stairs, thankful that his parents weren't awake. He walked into the kitchen and took out a notepad and a pen. He was planning on scribbling just a half a page note, but it turned into a five page letter. He sighed and took out a thumb tack. He ran over to the docks and got into his boat. He took one last look over to the shore and started to row over to the play island. During the way he found himself singing.

''_**Even though I'm the sacrifice, **_

_**you wont cry for me not now,**_

_**though I'd die to know you loved me,**_

_**I'm all alone….''**_

He felt tears run down his cheeks as he continued on to the island.

"_**Isn't something missing,**_

_**Isn't someone missing me…"**_

He finally reached the island. He got out of the boat and sat down, taking off his shoes. He didn't even know why he was doing this, but he didn't care. He slowly walked over to his island, the little attachment of the island. He felt the cool sand under his feet and the warm island breeze blow his hair into his face. He didn't even try to move the hair away. His eyes held no emotion.

He finally got to the island, and reached his hand out to feel the paopu tree he sat on all the time. His breath hitched. This is where it happened, where he kissed Sora, hit kairi, and ruined everything. He shuddered and tacked the letter onto the tree. He summoned his key blade.

Riku chuckled, though there was no humor in his voice. A fitting end. Dieing on his island. He looked at his key blade and laughed bitterly.

"I'm ending it…" he brought the angel-wing blade of the key to his neck. He pressed it to his skin and felt warm liquid run down his neck. He pressed harder. He started choking on the blood gushing out of his mouth. He fell to the ground while choking right before he closed his eyes he let two words slip from his lips.

"_Love…you…"_

______________________________________________________________

It was a beautiful day in destiny islands. The sky was bright and cheerful, it wasn't too warm. people were walking around and chatting. Usually teenagers would go to the island to play. But today, a group of teenagers were in a church with two families. A silver haired woman was crying, while her husband was doing his best to comfort her. A brunette boy sat alone in the front, watching the sleek black coffin. He was wearing a black tux. Sora looked down, his tears were still flowing. He broke up with kairi that morning, right before the funeral. Part of him knew this was going to happen, part of him saw the cracks on Riku's emotional shell. The other part was just angry, angry that Riku did this to him, angry for what he did to Riku. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Riku's mother, tears flowing from her green eyes, down her pale cheeks. Sora never noticed how much Riku looked like his mother.

She looked down at him, "Sora, He…he wrote a letter…part of it is for you." She choked back a sob, and gave it to him. He opened it, it was about two pages long. He started reading.

'_Sora, I know I told you this before, but I love you. I always have, ever since I knew what love felt like. It's always been you…when we traveled to different worlds, I looked only for you, I just happened to find Kairi along the way. Your beautiful, and I couldn't stand you not loving me anymore. It hurt so bad, and I want to get rid of that pain. I'm sorry. I hope you have a good life with Kairi, get married, have kids, and forget about me. You were so close to doing so anyway. I don't want you to think about me ever again. If your reading this I killed myself and they probably found me and this letter on the island. I just wanted to express myself, one more time. And I don't want you to think this was your fault, it wasn't. it was mine. I want to die so I will, and you can't stop me. I just wanted to tell you I loved you one more time._

_Good bye,_

_Riku' _

Sora choked back a sob. The next page was lyrics to a song.

"_**Please, please forgive me,But I won't be home someday you'll have woke up,And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:"isn't something missing? ""You won't cry for my absence, I know -You forgot me long I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?"**_

Sora felt sick inside. How could he be so blind!

"_**Even though I'm the sacrifice,You won't cry for me, not I'd die to know you love me,I'm all 't someone missing me?" **_

He choked back another sob. He felt this horrible pain in his chest. He started screaming, "RIKU!!RIKU COME BACK!" He screamed and sobbed into the letter.

"_**Please, please forgive me,But I won't be home again.I know what you do to yourself,Shudder deep and cry out:"isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? ""And if I bleed, I'll bleed,Knowing you don't if I sleep just to dream of youAnd wake without you there,Isn't something missing? Isn't something…'"**_

Sora was finally silent. He just stared at the lyrics in the letter. He closed his eyes and let the tears flow, the tears soon to be blood.

Two key blade masters died that day.


End file.
